New Coach in the League

Got a significant event from your team? Add a press release here!

Anyone want more like this?

No, the mistreatment of Orcs is not a laughing matter.
1
13%
You are a sick, sick man. (I'd like to see more, please.)
7
88%
 
Total votes : 8

New Coach in the League

Postby randomluck » Thu Aug 31, 2006 7:21 pm

Reporter (R): Welcome to ESPORC, where its all OrcSports, all the time. Today we have an interview with one of the leagues new Overlords, Chance. Chance, lets just get straight to the question everyone is wondering: why did you hire a dwarf as your head coach?

Chance (C): Well, with so many fine teams out there we felt we needed to get creative. Also, we felt the natural enmity between Orcs and Dwarfs would work to our advantage. I mean, look at the coaches out there throughout the league. Does any coach actually like their orc players? No. Do the players like their coach? No, as a matter of fact they hate each other. So, we felt placing a head coach which has a natural racial hatred was the next move up for the sport. I must say I?m pleased with the results. He has come up with many innovative coaching incentives.

R: Aren?t you worried things might get violent and the players might attack the coach?

C: Not worried in the least. It's what I expect. Helps bring them into a frenzy before the game. Besides, Coach Button is a big dwarf and fully capable of handling himself.

R: Coach Button? That?s not his real name is it?

C: (Laughs) No, its an endearing nickname the player?s gave him after he introduced our new uniforms.

R: I didn't notice any buttons on your uniforms...

C: No, there's no buttons on the unform. Its the large red button the coach carries with him at all times. See, the inside of the player's undershorts are lined with electrical wiring. During practice when a player makes a mistake, the coach simply pushes a button and sends 10,000 volts right through their?

R: Ouch! I get the picture.

C: Quite painful from the looks of it.

R: I can imagine.

C: Sometimes they squirm in agony, but they are quick to get to their feet within a minute.

R: That fast? Wow, thats amazing. The recuperative powers of orcs never ceases to amaze me.

C: Its not that. See, if they lie down for more than a minute, Coach Button gives them another shock.

R: That's Inhumane!

C: You know, that's what I thought at first, but Coach Button was quick to point out Orcs are not human, so it can't be inhumane to them.

R: Then its Inorc!

C: 'Inorc' is not a word. Coach Button had me look it up in the dictionary and it wasn't there.

R: (Coughs) So, this training method. Let me guess how it works, if a player drops the ball he shocks that player, providing immediate negative reinforcement for the mistake.

C: No, he shocks the whole team. It is Coach Button, not Coach Buttons.

R: I see.

C: He said, "They play as a team, they loot as a team, they practice as a team, and they get the Button as a team!" Those were his exact words. He's big into this team thing.

(awkward pause)

R: Well, these...methods... certainly explain your team's marked improvement over this last season and why your heading into the finals in the number 1 position. In your last game against Kyle's Orka Rage your team made no mistakes.

C: I wouldn?t say we didn?t make mistakes. I mean, it may look like a perfect game with a 20-0 win, but Coach Buttons assures me there were plenty of mistakes. Nothing escapes his attention and he approaches his work with such vigor. The slightest little flaw, even one too small for us to see, and he gives them a good long jolt. I never realized dwarfs were so mm? mmm?whats the word I?m looking for?

R: Masochistic?

C: Meticulous. And so self sacrificing. He has mentioned to me he almost feels bad taking a salary for this work, but I insisted he take the gold. And you know what he did with it?

R: I'm afraid to ask.

C: He went and bought new uniforms with an even higher voltage for training in the off season. He's an inspiration to all of us.

R: Wow, look at the that! Seems we are out time! Sorry to cut this interview short Overlord Chance, but we gotta cut to commercial. Coming up next on ESPORC, a streaker crossed the field during the final regular season game of Adrian?s Supernerds and Ekapob?s WCE. Our camera?s were there to capture all the gory detail.
The Black Belt Beaters
Honest Tricksters
Followers of One Fang
Three Claws
Fifth Times the Charm
Not the Face! Not the Face!
Mwuhahaha
User avatar
randomluck
Elite Overlord
 
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2006 10:35 pm

Postby TheIceMage » Thu Aug 31, 2006 8:04 pm

Very funny! :lol: :D
User avatar
TheIceMage
Site Admin
 
Posts: 1949
Joined: Sun Jan 05, 2003 9:58 pm
Location: Denver, CO

Postby Brakgwar » Thu Aug 31, 2006 8:31 pm

:lol: :lol:
User avatar
Brakgwar
Former "Overlord with the Most Balls"
 
Posts: 784
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2005 8:29 am

Postby Cazior » Thu Aug 31, 2006 8:52 pm

Yay! That is very funny!
Division II Hibernation: The Snotley Motleys
Division II Hibernation: The Paisleys
User avatar
Cazior
Senior Overlord
 
Posts: 353
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2005 7:19 pm

Postby Tyrnid » Sun Sep 03, 2006 9:02 am

:shock: :D :) FUNNY
Gears Of War Nov. 8
User avatar
Tyrnid
Senior Overlord
 
Posts: 197
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2006 7:46 pm
Location: NC


Return to Team Press Releases

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron