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Coach Buttons Reviews Last Nights Tapes

PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:41 am
by randomluck
Orcsports Illustrated is happy to provide the following "in the locker room" excerpt of the workings of an orcsports training session. Let's listen in-

Coach Buttons (CB): "Alright, listen up you guys, I've reviewed last night's performance, and I'm not happy to say we have some serious room for improvement! Each and everyone one of you was an unqualified failure in my eyes. Even when you did manage to do the right thing, it was poorly executed! Let's review the tapes."

(queue whirring of camera in background)

CB: "Stop tape. Can anyone tell me what Grynpa did wrong? Anyone? Hamsejo?"

Hamsejo: "Um. Not sure, but he not grab stuff?"

CB: "Exactly! Look, Grynpa. What did you do? Here you are throwing a brick through the store window, but then you turn and ran into House of Chang's All-You-Can-Eat Buffet? why?"

Grynpa: "It what you tell me to do, coach. You said it was 'Snatch & Grub'"

CB: "No, you idiot! It's Snatch & Grab. GRAB! Not Grub!"

CB: "What are you laughing at, Wommhaya? You weren't much better. Let's look at your tape. I see your still repeating the same mistake! How many times have we gone over this? First Throw the Rock, THEN reach through the glass! This is why you only have three fingers."

CB: "Shut up, Yudweeti. You think its funny? I teamed you up with Aganmik to try out some new moves, and how did it work out?"

Yudweeti: "Hey, Coach, we did jus like youse askeded. We do da 'Hit and Run'. I hit Aganmik, and den we run. But he hit back!"

CB: "See, that's not how it works. Your supposed to hit someone else, other than Aganmik, and then steal their money, and run away."

Yudweeti: "Ohhh. You no say dat. Ok, next time I not hit Aganmik."

CB: "Good to hear it."

Yudweeti: "Next time I hit Hamsejo."

CB: "NO...No...NO! You don't hit your own teammates! You hit other people! Do you get the concept! Other people, Not your teammates."

CB: (sigh) "Ok, lets move on. I expect your dismal performance to improve tonight, just, try not to get arrested. Anyhow, I did promise the player who came back with the most stuff the coveted "Unpainted Painted Rock" award. Honestly, I don't think any of you truly deserve this. Technically, not one of you brought any stuff, but one orc did come up with a decent amount of funds last night. We didn't get it on tape, but Jurixfum gets the UPR for bringing in 136 Gold pieces. Please come up here, take your UPR award and tell us how you did it."


Jurixfum: "Tanks you vera much. I's doeses this by spur of moment action and quick tinkling."

CB: "You hear that orcs, quick thinking and fast reactions will ..."

Jurixfum: "No, coach. Not tinking, tinkling. I was at bar and had too much ta drink. I go outside in back to take tinkle. And dere, in dumpster, is small bag wid money..."

CB: "Enough! All of you...out! OUT! I've had enough! Just...just go and let sulk in my poverty driven misery."

author note: (I've had trouble with my teams looting lately).

PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:56 am
by TheIceMage
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 11:48 am
by bubbauk
8) 8) 8) 8) 8)

5 cool points.

you can trade them in for silver, but silver doesn't count anyway.